Would you go to the gym with no warm up, load 240lbs on the bench press and start pumping away?
I wouldn’t. I would do warm up exercises and lighter sets well before I ever dreamed of a lift like that.
On Friday night I bravely walked straight up (cold) to this pillow lipped brunette. She was part of a big, high energy hen’s night group – far and away the hottest girl in the rowdy bar. She gave me a warm reception, but my tongue quickly tied, my rusty social skills coughed, splattered and keeled over.
I died a horrible, excruciatingly painful death, right in front of my Bootcamp client! I lamely excused myself within 40 seconds. Ouch! The rest of my night in two unfortunately drunken, noisy, high energy bars did not improve. My worst Bootcamp night ever.
Then it hit me, you fool James! Warm up on light weights – build your energy to get into a social state first.
On Saturday, my client and I start our day session by walking along the street saying ‘hi’ with a big cheesy grins to anyone looking remotely friendly. When I do this warm up exercise well, one quarter of people just ignore me and another quarter look a little concerned as to the state of my mental health.
But I find as many as half will return my warmth with a smile of their own and I soon start to enjoy myself. I have no agenda or attachment whatsoever; I am merely building ’social energy’ for approaching. I find playing with dogs, kids or crazy happy people, as well as dancing (which I usually hate) can also help me.
My client and I then had some good interactions in the bookstore, starting off with a staff member.
Later in the evening we had dinner with an accomplished stage performer – one of the most extremely social, high energy people I have met in my life.
We started the night, again saying ‘hi’ to people around us on the streets, and chatting to the club bouncers.
We chatted to two groups of girls at the bar when we ordered our first drinks.
We chatted to people near us. Yes people, meaning men and women; married, older, larger women – anyone who appeared to be on the on their own or in friendly and approachable groups.
My client and I (mainly my client) then proceeded to successfully approach most of the hottest women we saw at two large venues. He was warmly accepted every single time! Repeat, he was warmly accepted every single time. He ran out of fingers and lost count of his approaches. I think every interaction went at least five minutes and several went close to thirty minutes before I hurried him along for more practice. He spent his entire night talking to attractive girls.
By 11.00pm he was performing logistically difficult approaches on attractive women that require extreme levels of energy, courage and charisma.
The night in my client’s own words:
‘We did approaches in bookshops, pubs, clubs; absolutely everywhere…
I was so certain that I couldn’t fail (and I didn’t). It was truly amazing.
Before meeting James I actually didn’t think that I would be able to get over my anxieties with women. Something I was desperate to do, but honestly I had no idea how to get started.’
So, the lesson is work out what it is you need to do to manage your state and warm up your social muscles, just like you warm up at the gym.
Don’t go straight from work to a bar or social environment and expect to be successful. Especially so if your work involves a using a computer. Most guys need to do something fun, social or energetic first. Playing sport, running, fighting sports, the gym, swimming or even a dinner with some high energy friends are all good ways to separate work and socialising.
And stop complaining about approach anxiety, nearly all of us get it, some of us just decide to manage it better than others.
“I was heading towards my 30′s and I was getting quite worried that I was never going to achieve happiness with women or some semblance of balance with a decent woman and I met him (James) and everything has changed since then.”
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