In most interactions people will give out “bonus information”, or new “threads” as one of my clients calls it, in their answers to your questions. Bonus information is usually facts or opinions given over and above those needed to directly answer to a question. For instance:
Q. How are you today?
A. Really well. I ran along the beach for 40 minutes then went for a quick 20 minute swim, just before I came here to meet you. I find exercise in the ocean air and water makes me feel so great, it gives my libido a bit of a nudge too.
Everything after “really well” is free information the person has given to help fuel the conversation. There are at least three or four ways to easily take this conversation. You should include lots of free information in your answers if you wish to keep the interaction going. Can you see the free information in this one:
Q. So why were you late?
A. Some idiot at the gallery double parked on me.
Well, this person isn’t being any where near as conversational as the first. You could try relating on the emotion of frustration. The only information in addition to the question asked is “at the gallery”. Still that provides a multitude of possible conversational options:
- Why were you at a gallery?
- Which gallery?
- What is showing at the gallery? Do you work there?
- Do you know someone there?
- Do you like art?
- Do you make art yourself?
- Can you explain the attraction of modern abstract art to a simple man like me?
You might be reading this thinking, “Way to go James – thanks for your help with the bleeding obvious!”
However, you would be astounded how many really intelligent guys continually miss simple conversational invitations, or the “bonus information” that cute girls give them. The girls want to keep talking to them and are giving the guy every opportunity to do so but they are so stuck in their own head they cannot even see the “bleeding obvious!”. Sometimes I don’t know who gets more frustrated, me listening or the girl.
Oh, and while we are on the subject, try not to ask a girl a question if you’re not really interested in her answer.
Remember, asking a question and politely waiting in silence for the answer is an awesome tool for being accepted into a conversation. You can use it to drag free information out of some of the most resistant girls.
A key to having an enjoyable, deepening, successful and natural interaction is to give out and pick up on this “bonus information” and use it in conversation. Once effective listening and questioning skills become a natural part of you; promotions, larger servings, discounts without asking, strangers doing you big favours, free upgrades, plus new friends coming out of nowhere, and girls hitting when you least expect it, should soon follow.
It is not just approaching, listening is even more crucial when building rapport. Get someone talking about something they’re passionate about, and you’re interested in and they are soon going to start enjoying you! Again, get someone talking about something they enjoy and they are soon going to start enjoying you!
To really get to know a person and to get them to enjoy you, get them talking about their favourite subject in the world, “themselves!”
Learn to really listen to a woman and she’ll give you detailed instructions on how exactly to seduce her. It’s like she leaves a trail of bread crumbs all the way to her bedroom. Please note, she measures your social intelligence – or what an “alpha male” she thinks you are – by whether you’re bright (and brave) enough to follow it.
Listening is crucial for making things sexual and also for making sex great! That is what really gets them coming back for more.