Building Attraction, Demonstrating Value

Men’s Dating Coach James shares the 3 questions he asks women in bars. The key is to lead the conversation to things you want the girl to talk about/you are interested in. If you can’t connect on at least 1 common interest, move on!


James: Building attraction, demonstrating value, you know, banter, fueling a conversation. My way to do that is to approach confidently and start the girl talking about stuff you’re interested in.

When I first met Rebecca about 2 oclock in the morning at a bar in Sydney when I was coaching, within about 90 seconds- cute girl, lots of cute girls, its loud- I straight away asked her about books “What was the last great book you read?”. Now a lot of girls if you ask them that in a bar they think you’re weird, but they’re probably the girls I don’t want to sleep with.

So I lead with stuff I want the girls to talk about. Does that make sense? So, I know its a lot different to what a lot of other guys teach but I’ve got 8 or 9 students here, I think they all use it. The girl’s usually really impressed because some guy’s actually taking it somewhere and trying to build a good conversation.

If you’re interested in books or fitness or something and the girls you’re talking to aren’t necessarily that interested in it, its good to go “Hey, what’s a great book you read? Oh, oh, ok. Well, what do you do to stay fit?”. If you don’t get a good connection on 2 or 3 of your main interests then this probably isn’t the right girl for you. So what do you do? You move on and talk to another girl.

Quiz question: how many pussies are there in the world?

Guy: 3000 million?

James: Probably at the end of the year, so you win. Theres 3 and a half billion pussies in the world. Why would you sit and worry about one when there’s so many out there- and we’re just in Australia, I mean go to Russia or South America, I mean the girls there are insane. So yeah, this idea about getting hung up on one girl or one girl rejected me or one girl broke my heart, there’s 3 and a half billion other ones, don’t worry, plenty more.